I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
