i think my tv is drunk
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
