I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
