Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
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