The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm bleeding and have questions
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