btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
i believe in u and ur pee
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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