sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
