guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
