he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
