in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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