A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
