I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
