either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
