he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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