i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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