I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
