she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
