thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
