a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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