That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize