Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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