He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
