just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
