So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
