He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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