dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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