Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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