Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
