the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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