It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
