you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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