So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
