the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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