My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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