don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
i think my cat just said my name.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
