Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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