laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
