You can't motorboat a personality
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
