i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
