doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
