the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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