Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize