he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
