break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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