I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
