please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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