If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
