So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
