he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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