Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
