just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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