Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
