I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
