I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
