I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I intend to get homeless drunk
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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