No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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