I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
