I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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