If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
