If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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