I'm eating all of the evidence.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
