I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
