I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
