Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
