Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
