Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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