Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
