the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
