Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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