Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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