I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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