whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
