$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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