Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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