Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
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