Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
there is glitter all over my balls
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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