I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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