I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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