I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
