I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
