I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm bleeding and have questions
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
