I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
