do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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