I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
