I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
