Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I didn't notice because vodka
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Randomize
