Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
