Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
