i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
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