I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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