when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
