I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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