girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
