So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
