Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
