i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
