it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
