I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
