She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
