I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
please come you make the beer taste better
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
