Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
