it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
