My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize