the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
