ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
