I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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