I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
