and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
