i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
