I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize