I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
