omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize