I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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